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One Side: Beth

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it’s like a sudden shock.

My best friend of a decade, she, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a bit, but it strains our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to record everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when strangers see her posing or filming – I experience vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She makes vlogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. Sometimes she films me while dining, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, making a strange expression or photographed mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

She also expects me to film her at inopportune moments. Often I'm in conversation to another person, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has turned into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my unease about the situation, she brushed it off. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I spend helping her create material.

I appreciate that Marielle has helped me with my design career, but I don’t want our connection to become merely a tally of favours. I don't believe she's insincere or inauthentic, but sometimes I feel that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me laughing with another. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being recorded, edited, or posted for an audience. I am not a prop for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I love shooting content. It’s not just a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online enables me to show my personality and connect with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I look up to people on TikTok who execute that aesthetic of informal, self-made film-making.

Content creation is my interpretation of engaging with life: observing the details, posting them with an viewership that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to industry events was my method of offering access, giving her a opportunity to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could help her professional path too. That isn't blackmail, it’s just being realistic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see what the work we make together can get us: an opening. I understand not all people enjoys being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes content genuine. Appearing on video from time to time is part and parcel of being my companion. I'd remove anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my personal videographer, but friends help each other in small ways. My assumption was recording a short video here or there would be enjoyable for her. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having my friend around makes projects energetic and pleasurable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally humiliate her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish our friendship profoundly and don’t want content creation to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to compromise: like asking before filming, and avoiding angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about power, it's regarding sharing my world while still considering hers. Obviously content creation is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop recording herself and Beth when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a friend point a camera at you. I get that it's her job, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. Given the uncertain future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance every time, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She needs to respect Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to hear what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the focus in your relationship. Foster some authentic experiences, where genuine feelings are stored, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears confused as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each setting clear limits around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been exploiting their friendship?